Choosing Sides
by Ovo
Summary: The difference between seeking acceptance and finding peace of mind.


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Choosing Sides

The office… it was a quiet little place, usually. Elaborately furnished for comfort, for any that could find comfort there.

He could, or would have been, except that that infernal woman had stolen _his _chair. And she wasn't even sitting in it properly. He scowled; _that _couldn't have been as comfortable as she let on.

Gen. Douglas Hein couldn't help feeling at a loss. That she volunteered for the worst he had, when he would have kept her as far from danger as there was.

Of course, if he ever tried that, she yelled at him. So he settled for a compromise, that left so little time to them. It was in these moments, between when she came back and when she left again, that they spent together.

She spied for him, simply put. He had a few others, of course, but none he trusted so much. He still kept as much danger away as he could, secretly, so she had her illusion. But she did some of the worst of it, because he didn't always know under what circumstances his enemies would break.

"Jane?"

"What?" she opened an eye, to watch him as he spoke. It was really the only one of her habits he found unsettling.

"I have another task for you."

"Who is it?" She rolled, groggily, but somehow managing to stay perched on the chair. With shaky balance, she stared at him steadily, as he lifted the folder he'd been secreting around, and placed it on the desk in front of her.

There was a blue mark on the folder; it meant the person had been under surveillance before, and passed fine. Slightly confused, she wondered who had blundered so badly that they needed to go through the process again. Similarly, had it been the observer or the espied?

She flipped the cover, and blinked in disbelief. "What did he do this time?"

"He didn't do anything," or so it seemed, "it's someone he knows."

"Oh." She felt that she was missing something, somehow unrelated, from the last time she did this, as well as an alarmingly strong sense of déjà vu as she flipped leisurely through the folder.

"You'd better have a good excuse for this… not all of these people are stupid, you know."

"In this case, I expect it will be surprisingly easy, especially for you."

That's how it started. Just a little more complicated than the rest of the times.

**---**

Jane tried not to look at the man as she followed his leisurely stroll through the housing complex.

She had liked Gray when she had evaluated him before, and had been pleased when she found him faultless. The captain had a certain kind of warmth to him, something that reminded her of Hein as he had been years prior. And it stung a little.

Gray thought she seemed bitter, or at least when compared to their previous commission. He felt bad – sure that the entire situation had been unnecessary. He hadn't found her as near to troublesome as he had been led to believe. In fact, he saw her as pleasant company, and he felt slighted that she had been removed from his command the first time for such paltry reasons as had been given. Especially since no one had complained in the first place.

The officer had been annoyed at first, but tried to forget the matter after his request for her reinstatement was ignored for however many months it had been since. He never declined the offer to take her when she was kicked from the first one, then three other squads in the company, and was glad that someone somewhere finally decided it was acceptable.

So he smiled reassuringly when he caught her eye; she smiled back, only farcically and for a few seconds, before going back to studying the walls that they passed by.

"So, how have you been?"

She wondered how was she truthfully supposed to answer that, and decided she wasn't.

"Exquisite," she finally replied, cutting the 't' sharp. She stopped when he did, near a plain steel door. Judging from his expression, he was much more amused by it than she was. Though it was possible he was amused by something else.

He opened the unmarked door and stepped inside, and a projectile fell from above towards him.

The ball bounced off a very surprised Gray, and arced upwards into the air, wherefrom Jane snatched it. She was equally puzzled, and looked from the piece of rubber, a thing slightly smaller than her hand, to the men who were sheepishly staring at them like lost kits.

She'd forgotten about the rest of the squad.

Fueled by the resentment she felt, she hurled the ball at the floor. It bounced, strong enough to hit the ceiling, and only by a few inches did it miss the light secured there. Again it fell, closer to those on the far side of the small room. Instead of waiting for it, they leapt for it; and continued whatever game they had been playing before the interruption.

Not trying to comprehend it, she found her bunk. She had no doubt that Gray might have accepted someone after her; she saw the benefit to a fuller crew. That would have explained why they kept the extra bed, but not in the condition it was in. It was as complete as how she'd left it, if having settled a little dust. The slight surrealism of the gesture was unnerving; either they left it because they expected her back, or….

She couldn't think of a second reason. Not one she wanted to imagine, anyway. She traced the Lotus Sutra she had carved on the support the last time she had been there. The calligraphy was clumsy, but what more did she expect? The wood was braced with metal, and carving straight on a cylindrical post was difficult. She'd cut herself, and wished for anywhere else.

Much like she was doing now. She wanted to stop this; get some honest work done. Spend just a little time with Hein that wasn't important to anything or anyone except themselves… but then, that had never been honest either. Nothing of her life seemed to be since she'd met him.

She was sick of it.

The game across the room finished when the ball rolled out of reach under the terminal in the corner, and neither contender could manage to fish it out.

Jane narrowed her eyes as the smaller approached her, and willed him away; something that didn't work in practice.

"Hey," kindly, and a sincere smile. It was maddening; it was something that would break her inside if she dwelled on it too long.

"No, I'm not going to get your damn ball for you," she snapped, wiping a handful of dust off the bed's bracing. She looked up at him; outwardly annoyed, inwardly seething. What mirth – yet in such a world. She didn't understand where it could come from.

"I wasn't even going to ask," Neil replied cordially, leaning one arm on the bed above hers and twisting to see her below it. After a minute of this observation, he pulled himself onto the top bunk, explaining, "I was going to say, 'Welcome home,' though."

"Keep it," she growled, casting a careful glance across the room where the commander and his executive were talking amidst themselves, "This isn't my home." After all, she was only going to be here as long as she needed to find something. It would only take a few days… a week… two maybe?

"I beg to differ," came the reply.

Annoyed, she kicked the platform above. The bed was sturdy, but it was enough to be shaky. However, the momentum and the angle brought her head down hard against an exposed part of the frame. She grit her teeth and cursed between them; and glared as Neil peered over the edge at her misery.

"That looks like it hurt," he observed, trying to be sympathetic. He didn't see the problem… _We aren't that unlikable, are we?_

He determined to find a way to be more so in the future, if he could. Maybe share the enlightenment afterwards. He retreated back up as she swatted at him, and resolved to get some sleep in before morning broke.

Unfortunately, an emergency alarm a short time later destroyed that overly idealistic plan.

**---**

_Aki Ross_, that had to be her, but how could it be?

The wisps of thought bothered her. She was the woman that saved Edwards' life – he said he would have introduced her, but obviously she was being shy. A joke, it seemed. Jane shook her head, creeping along the hallway, then up the stairs… as quiet and timid as she felt. That couldn't be here.

Maj. Elliot would kill her for such indiscretion. But he couldn't; and she smiled at that.

The small apartment was quiet, and she could feel her heart beat through her ears. Her destination was there – light was there, spilling through the open door. The plush carpet was versatile enough that she left soft footprints, invisible in the dark, as she stepped silently towards that comforting place.

She had run the conversation through her mind earlier, where he would ask what was wrong… and she would reply, "Nothing."

She pushed the door gently, and it creaked on its hinges as it moved away from her hand.

And the sound brought her his instant attention.

Something that she abruptly found she didn't want. She shouldn't have come, as confused as she felt. It would have sorted itself out in the end, if only she did what she was supposed to and observed. No little bit of comfort was worth what she risked for it.

Surprised, Hein set his book aside, and sat up slowly. It would only take a few steps across the cold hardwood floor of his frugally furnished bedroom to reach her, but he took the way slowly, for if she would vanish if he didn't.

"What are you doing here?" Concern? Not the anger she'd momentarily imagined, she was sure.

She said nothing.

**---**

For what reason she'd been called back, of course she came. In secret, as always – except those rare times she got to appear with the rest of Hein's most loyal… usually, people she knew, since all of them served with him at one time or another.

She stared. The object of her attention was a brass frame so carefully cleaned that it shined, set on the file cabinet. The frame wasn't the important part, though, the picture was.

She remembered that picture. The day Hein couldn't fulfil his promise to his daughter first hand, and so gave Jane a camera and a roll of film to let him see it. The girl had wanted to see the beach, and he would deny her nothing.

As dangerous as it was, neither would Jane or most anyone else. The girl was joy incarnate, and had she cried, the world might as well have ended.

It was Jane's privilege to attend the child when her father wanted to spend time with his wife. And when his wife wasn't available….

The woman closed her eyes. So it had been adultery then, so what? It was substitution, or so she'd believed. Just because she was infatuated with him didn't mean he had to love her back – Hein loved his family and she would have set straight anyone who dared argue against that.

And after that, after San Francisco… she would have withdrawn… had he not drawn her closer. There had been times that she wished she had, and not one minute went by that she didn't wish those framed and frozen in time were still alive. She missed them, too.

But maybe they were the lucky ones.

"I'm going to send someone else to watch Edwards."

The words cut through her contemplation. She turned to face him, and he stared back from across the desk.

His carefully planned words were cut off at her protest.

"I don't need help."

"I was going to say," he paused before following through, "that you don't need to do this; you can step out any time you feel like it."

She could only stare. If it wasn't that he didn't trust her than it was he didn't think she was capable. Either hurt. She looked away when he approached, back to the photograph. She didn't acknowledge him when he stood directly beside her.

"I want to ensure your safety." And that was all. He followed her gaze to the picture; it was something he hadn't thought about for some time. He picked it up, observing how she followed it.

He didn't understand; he got the impression that she didn't want this post.

"What do you feel?"

Anger; just because it was always there.

"Like we should have been there."

She snatched the frame, with more might than was necessary; Hein was holding it loosely. In her hands, it fell to the desk, and the force shattered the glass and left a mark on the table-surface.

"I should have…" she added softly, staring at the result, "I'm sorry."

Sometimes it felt good to be one of the few able to snap at the world's most powerful military leader, and sometimes she felt stupid doing it.

Now she just felt wrong.

She watched numbly as Hein pushed shards of broken glass off his desk, wordlessness deserved. He removed the photo from the frame, carefully to avoid tearing it, and let the metal plummet to the floor. It would all be cleaned up later, but he wanted to keep the image.

"I'm sending someone to help you," he began, as though nothing had happened…

**---**

"What do you need? The man asked, "I'm sure I can help."

"No, you can't," Jane replied flatly. She needed to talk to Gray; that's all there was. No… she needed to do something to fix what she felt inside, and she didn't think any person could help.

"Try me," Ryan smiled. If he couldn't, then he'd make it up to her in another way.

"Yeah, he can; he can do most anything," Neil added, he crossed his legs and smiled cheerfully. He had a lot of admiration for the sergeant, from 'way back when.' After all, if it weren't for Ryan, he'd have probably been dead by now – not to mention how much _more_ grief he would have had to go through in the multi-tiers of school.

"So what's up?"

Because he wanted to help, she cracked. Just a little. He had the right to know as much as any of them; it felt right, and dishonest. She caught herself before she said the wrong thing, but wasn't going to let that small trip up interfere.

"You're being watched," she blurted, intentionally, but it wasn't as easy as that. If she slipped, they wouldn't trust her – not that they should have to begin with, but she needed to keep as much ground as she could for… what?

"Gen. Hein set an observer on you," she elaborated, suddenly supraliminal to the openness of her surroundings, and what she was doing. Just as suddenly, she was ready to run faster than anything in the world.

To her surprise, Ryan was unruffled. Maybe he was caught off guard, but he didn't seem astonished or concerned; he was possibly curious, at the very most.

"I see," he nodded slowly, watching her intently, "Neil; fix it."

"But… I just broke it," the technician protested. Besides the fact, he was rapidly trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

Ryan glanced at him, and it was enough to set him on the appointed task. The sergeant waved Jane over, but relented when she didn't take one step.

"What did I do to this thing?" Neil wondered aloud; though it was an attempt at some attention. He fell silent, partially waiting for an answer, but mostly feeling ignored.

"How do you know this?" Ryan asked quietly when he stood close enough to do so, "Who told you?"

"No one had to," Jane said, in an equal tone, "But he's sending someone else…."

Ryan closed his eyes and thought. She tried to determine what about, but had a few solid guesses, from putting together the pieces to… well, she didn't want to imagine, but her mind kept creating images or ideas. Before long he was looking at her again, and at the gondola above.

"Does he know?" although he had already guessed the answer.

"No…" the sense of panic within her was overwhelming, and her own calmness surprised her, "You can't tell him."

"Why not?"

Why?

"Because I'm not on your side."

"Are you sure?"

"No," she shook her head, "I'm sure."

So he continued, "So why did you tell me?"

Was he hurt or did he not care? And what did it matter?

Why?

Such an innocent little question; she didn't have a response.

Silence, but he could wait.

"I've been doing this too long," The break in reserve, but not to explain anything.

Then she ran, not quickly, but away, and Ryan considered.

It had been a statement, and wasn't an answer for _why_.

**---**

Jane watched, as helpless as any of them were, as the woman lay death-still on the medical table and the officer by her slept fitfully. The projection of Shadows above had fused, as strange as it was, but one side clearly showed the Phantom… something that would probably kill them all if it got out.

_Pleasant thoughts…_ she demanded, taking her eyes off the scene. She looked to her left; Ryan stood off to one side, watching intently. To her right, Neil was closer, but was engaged with the comm. unit on his wrist. Gray was out, and the medics were busy…

It was as good a time as ever to disappear.

Jane slipped out of the room, already fashioning a story for herself.

Ryan watched the door close, and frowned slightly.

**---**

Hein laced his fingers together, and rested his hands on his desk. He sighed, a long, deep breath; and leaned as far back as his arms would allow.

He felt sick.

"You're sure?"

The solider didn't get a chance to answer, as the office door cracked open. But Hein wasn't of the sort that needed to hear anything twice to understand.

The man, a younger officer, fairly gasped that that woman had the audacity…

"You're excused," or that….

"Yeah, bug off, Payton," or….

He stopped himself from pouting. Okay, so few believed him to begin with, but he was telling the truth this time. And this was important. He left, catching the door before it closed, and slamming it hard on his way out.

Jane turned to the seated officer, instantly knowing her carefully fabricated tale wouldn't hold through. She knew him too well…

And _He knew._

And she was terrified.

"I was worried," Hein said, and it was the truth. He _had_ been worried, before. But now, well…

Jane shrugged, "You don't trust me."

He smiled grimly. No, he didn't trust her – not now. But there was nothing to be done about before, only _now_ mattered.

"You're going to arrested them." She didn't doubt, she knew. It was the long, drawn out pauses that were causing doubt, and stirring deep paranoia. But she was altogether calm, and she was grateful for whatever caused that.

"Them?"

Silence.

"Tell me why," Hein implored, leaning back fully into his chair.

Why?

And Jane knew…

"Because I believe her."

Things were suddenly different, or perhaps they had been changing all the while. Gentle smiles, for one last time and a moment of remembrance….

Before time continued on its way.

_**The End** _

* * *

**Working Title**: _Choosing Sides_

**Inspiration**: Pairing challange, plus the desire to play on Jane and Hein's interaction.

**Noteworthy**: Um... Super Secret Spy Network, which was to appear elsewhere but never did show itself.

**Disambiguation**: It... made sense at the time. Two things got cut out, but the only one I can remember was the one at the end, which took place at the jail/prison place, and Jane being more comfortable with herself.

**Dedication**: Amy Rummi

_Derivative work of material © Square Pictures, Squaresoft. Reformatted to abide by 'site standards. None of the original text has been modified, 'cept in case of typo._


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